"I wanna get out, and build my own home, on a street, where reality is not much different from dreams I've had."
"So lying underneath those stormy skies, she said 'oh, I know the sun must set to rise.'"
Thoughts, and music. Occasional pictures.
I also run internationalgirl.tumblr.com
This blog is for my thoughts. I think a lot.
Melissa. 23. I hail from Los Banos, CA, currently living in San Francisco, CA. Acting major at The Academy of Art. Half Filipino, Half Canadian. Comedian, sarcastic. Crazy, but at the same time, crazy shy. People person, but at the same time, not a people person. Girly girl, but at the same time, not a girly girl. I'm a weird girl, I'm into things that most girls wouldn't be into.
Avril Lavigne, Paramore, and Coldplay fan. Extraordinaire.
I go beyond a pretty face, I have a brain that I use. I think a lot, and I'm curious about a lot of things. I'm open to learning.
I'm originally from a small, close minded town, called Los Banos, California.
After I graduate college, I plan on becoming an International Flight Attendant in order to support myself when I move to Vancouver, BC for Acting, instead of Los Angeles. While being a flight attendant, I will still try to pursue my dream of becoming an actress.
I love everything that is beautiful. I hold a lot of passion for a lot of the things I do, or believe in. I love music (preferably rock music), ice hockey, writing, traveling, making people laugh.
I love traveling. I've been around the world 7 times. Canada(3X's), Germany, Holland, The Philippines(5X's), England, Scotland, and South Korea. I will never stop traveling.
do you ever feel like you’re just sort of
like all your friends go out and do things and get into relationships and like people that like them back and have fun and do stupid things with their best friends and instead of doing all that you’re just sort of this mildly entertaining thing that people take an interest in once in a while but they wouldn’t really care if it was gone
like you just sort of exist but you don’t really mean anything
Every fucking day.
It’s a good thing I don’t live in the city anymore. I feel like it would generate so many thoughts and emotion. Probably more than what I already feel. That’s the thing about San Francisco. My time is up in that city. Now it’s just a place with so many good and bad memories. And some places, I can’t even go to without getting caught up in so many memories. It’s like walking into the past. It’d be nice to come back to have entertainment, I could continue to take hockey skating lessons, go out for a drink, walk around with my earphones in, or go running on The Embarcadero (that’s probably what I miss most)…. But I think for the most part, I like being home to spend time with my parents before I move to Canada. It’s good because I get to work out every evening.
I like to imagine what my new life would be like in Vancouver. I know exactly where I would start running, what my new neighborhood would look like, (hoping for Gastown!), the views I could take in, and meeting new people. The future always looks brighter when I think about it, and it always cheers me up. There are better, loving, kind, fun people out there and I can’t wait to start fresh and breathe the fresh mountain air. I’ve been saving money, almost every cent. Since I’m having trouble finding a job, my Mom has been nice enough to pay me for the work I do around the house.
But despite thinking of my future, it also gets me down that I can’t be there. One of my favorite places in Vancouver is Canada Place. You can sit and watch sea planes take off and land. I’ve never been so happy to belong somewhere, to the point I could cry. I hope to God that I don’t have much waiting left to do, because it’s where all of my hope is.
One day you guys are gonna see me on The Oscars, nominated for some amazing movie….. And all the fuckers who hurt me are gonna be fucking sorry. Hahahah I can’t wait for that to happen.
If anyone tried to apologize and come back, I wouldn’t accept their apology. Because….
1. I fought to try to fix things, and to talk things over.
2. That person showed no effort to call, or text.
3. The things I did for them went unappreciated.
4. Caring about a friendship is “wrong”.
5. One of the longest friendships I’ve ever had, didn’t
even care about the fact that she hurt me.
I’m almost 24, I know who I am, I’m confident (sometimes) with who I am… You don’t want to be in my life, that’s fine. There’s better people and friends out there. I’m way too old to be playing cat and mouse, and I’m way better off. Your loss.It’s time to stay strong and let people go if they want to go. It’s time to stay strong and let those people stay in the past.
Even if things were to go my way, I don’t think I’d be accepting. I wouldn’t give a 3rd chance. I know there’s someone else out there made for me, but it’s just gonna take time to find them. I deserve someone who is crazy about me, and doesn’t treat me like I’m some kind of burden. Someone who sees what I see. I know who I am, and I deserve something amazing. Someone who won’t give up, and isn’t a coward.
Maybe someday, but not tonight.
But I still believe…..
I feel like I’m capable of so much, but it’s just not the right time. I hate that I’m missing out on all these chances. There’s a new comedic TV show (I want to do comedy) that’s filmed in San Francisco, and I don’t know, I feel like I should do everything in my power to have a tiny part in that show. But everything about auditioning terrifies me. There’s still a lot about myself that I’m self conscious about. The good thing is that I’ve been working out and eating better. I feel like even a tiny part in this show could open up a lot of doors, but I’m not sure. There’s a million questions running through my mind about this situation, and I need to give it more thought. Maybe I should turn to one of my teachers who is a casting director…..
Being in a small town, not many places are hiring. I need to get a job soon to save up if I wanna move to Canada this summer. I can’t do anymore waiting, or I’ll go crazy.
Doesn’t matter what it is, I always want to learn more. Whether it’s learning about The Titanic, WWII, Ernest Hemingway and Martha Gellhorn, Castles of Europe, British history (The Tudors, 5th Earl of Carnarvon, history of William Wallace, Winston Churchill, King George VI), and I think I get it from my Dad. He loves history too. I just think it’s so important to know what happened before you.
I can never go to bookstores because I always buy 3-4 books that I find interesting. I’m trying to read more because I always want to learn more. I have 4 or 5 books on The Tudors and I can’t wait to get crackin’ on them.